Samuel Tilden and the stolen election of 1876.

Listen here!

sjt.jpg25SamuelJTilden.jpgSamuelJTilden.jpeg220px-SJTilden_of_NY.jpgTilden_or_blood.jpgimages.jpeg

Advertisements

Horace Greeley, inventor of the Mainstream Media, and epic loser of 1872.

We are back (a few days late but who’s counting)! And this time our episode is on 1872 loser Horace Greeley. He was the inventor of the modern newspaper and thus our current deplorable 24-minute news cycle. He was a genius, a prodigy, a wunderkind one of the most famous men in America, but one of the worst political losers of all time.

In fact, he lost to Ulysses S. Grant, earning the lowest amount of electoral votes for any candidate nominated by a major party*.

*Due to a technicality… listen here to find out more!

Now. Take a look at this weird looking fella.

Unknown.jpeg

Okay. Not exactly presidential, but not… wait a minute. Is that his collar?

414_126567974606.jpg

OMG It’s NOT his collar. It’s his neckbeard. What is it with these guys and neckbeards? Well surely this is just a bad pict-

Unknown-1.jpeg

GAH! They could have literally drawn anything else, and THAT’s how they made him look?

Horace-Greeley-head-shot.jpg

Okay, so giant hat aside, maybe not too bad looking as a young man? Other than, you know, maybe being cross-eyed.

Greeley_H_GLC04609p13_large.jpg

It took me a solid 20 seconds before I realized he was holding his hat, not a Hogwarts wand.

1052-004-2AA23BBB.jpg

So he was a troll, basically. Cool.

2665089.jpg

Here’s the Greeley-Brown campaign poster. They at least got him looking reasonable here.

HD_brownBG2c.jpg

And here’s his running mate, Benjamin Gratz Brown.

Horatio Seymour, the Great Decliner of 1868.

Horatio Seymour, Governor of New York, Democrat, most certainly did NOT want to be a candidate for president. The same as he had not wanted to be Governor, or Senator, or Mayor of Utica, or anything really except an upstate farmer and amateur historian.

But he didn’t get his wish. Although maybe he did in the end – he was routed by General Ulysses S. Grant in the election of 1868.

What would life have been like if the Great Decliner had refused himself into office?

Listen here.

Horatio_Seymour_-_Brady-Handysmall.png

The quintessential Horatio Seymour. Warm eyes. Bald head. Epic neckbeard.

Screen Shot 2017-04-15 at 3.29.08 PM.png

The neckbeard persisted, even in the painted form.

Hon._Horatio_Seymour,_N.Y_-_NARA_-_528568.jpg

The older statesman.

3a17456r_large.jpg

The younger, very reluctant upstart.

horatio-seymour-frank-blair-1868-presidential-race-against-grant.jpg

The Democratic ticket gets photographed, 1868.

350px-Seymour-Blair.png

Typical pamphlet of the time.

Horatio_Seymour_political_cartoon.png

And the typical Tribune-style mockery of Seymour.

hqdefault.jpg

From Horatio Seymour! the Video Game.

 

 

 

George McClellan – the Donald Trump of 1864.

We are finally back with a new episode! And we’re back to the Civil War, where the American people wanted to replace an Illinois liberal with an inexperienced non-politician with authoritarian / dictatorial tendencies and a habit of thinking he was the best thing since sliced bread… sorta like today, huh?

Listen up here

Below are some sweet pics of General George Brinton McClellan.

AP00090702191.jpg

The classic Napoleonic pose. Hand stuffed in jacket to make sure all nipples are still present.

Gen._George_B._McClellan_-_NARA_-_530369.jpg

Now one from the side.

Gen._George_B._McClellan_and_wife_-_NARA_-_528338.jpg

With the wife, Nellie. She looks a tad over it.

McClellan_LG.jpg

“Make sure you make me look awesome, okay? Do I look awesome? Okay, make sure.”

george-mcclellan.jpg

His horse was always prancing, because it was always 10 miles off the battlefield.

mcclellan-and-lincoln.jpg

Staring up at Lincoln after Antietam. The mood is awkward.

1280px-George_McClellan_at_National_Portrait_Gallery_IMG_4524.JPG

In later life, as Governor of New Jersey.

images.jpeg

His tiny tiny campaign poster.

43734_lg.jpeg

Political commentary.

20141102hoabelincoln001local.jpg

Caricaturists loved discussing his height. Just like Trump’s hands.

1280px-McClellan_Gunboat_Candidate_Cartoon.jpg

And his wartime cowardice.

CWTIVol48No3.jpg

But the man still makes covers today, so who are we to judge?

 

 

Barry Goldwater: the Ted Cruz of 1964

In your back, you know we’re… back.

Okay, sorry for the awful rhyme. But we’re back! With a brand new episode all about conservative-libertarian uber-icon Barry Goldwater! By all accounts, Goldwater would have been the most conservative president of probably all time – much like our own recent ex-candidate Ted Cruz.

Goldwater, a war hero, businessman and Senator, lost in a nuclear landslide to Lyndon B. Johnson. But in doing so, he repositioned the GOP as a conservative, Southern and Midwestern party, ushering in the rise of Nixon, Reagan, the Bushes and the GOP dominance of the nation that persists today.

But how would he have been as president? Would he, as he stated, use nuclear weapons to obliterate Vietnam? And if so, what would happen?

Listen here to find out

zumaamericasseven561940.jpg

Your quintessential Goldwater. The glasses. The lantern jaw. The I-can-tell-you’re-bullshitting-me stare.

460x.jpg

Goldwater in mid-speech.

bgold.jpg

A 1980s Goldwater – apparently taken at his family’s department store, Goldwater’s.

36-miller-goldwater-pin31.jpeg

Goldwater with his VP choice, Bill Miller.

d9edf77d00d5d4247a7299d7ee304f46.jpg

Remember chemistry class? No? Okay, then this button means nothing to you.

tumblr_nyy977CgGP1v0y9x6o1_400.jpg

When Goldwater came out with THIS tagline…

Barry+Goldwater+Pin+Guts+Nuts.jpg

The Democrats responded with THIS tagline.

d4a8b1dd-935f-4f79-a8fa-db0b539d548a.jpg

A younger, 1950s Goldwater.

Goldwater.jpg

A younger, 1940s Goldwater.

goldwater1-1.jpg

How young we going here?

Goldwater1.jpg

This is my favorite. Barry just looks awesome here.

1adcdcdb754f0781199b3cb99cfff2aa.jpg

“I don’t always run for President… But when I do, I promise to nuke Vietnam and roll back civil rights.”

Screen Shot 2015-06-23 at 10.22.12 PM.png

But guess who hearted Goldwater? Yep, America’s little darling, Hillary Rodham.

James M. Cox: the John Kasich of 1920

A Governor of Ohio… successful businessman… ran after 8 years of Democratic rule… only to lose to a man with very little ideology and even less idea of how politics work…

No, I’m not talking about 2016’s John Kasich losing the primary to Donald Trump.

I’m talking about Gov. James Cox, the Democrat’s 1920 candidate, and maybe one of the strongest candidates ever to run… as well as the one who lost by the widest possible popular vote. Figures.

Listen up here!

Here’s the pics:

James_M._Cox_1920.jpg

Quintessential Cox: intense, serious, glasses pinched precariously on his nasion.

Screen Shot 2016-06-11 at 8.44.18 PM.png

But from another angle… well, he’s basically the same.

 

Screen Shot 2016-06-11 at 8.44.05 PM.png

Even more serious. And do I spy a milk mustache?

 

Screen Shot 2016-06-11 at 8.45.03 PM.png

A younger, more light-hearted Cox.

30w5qar.jpg

Cox and Woodrow Wilson (left, corpse-like).

Screen Shot 2016-06-11 at 8.46.24 PM.png

Cox in typical 19-diggity-four finery.

url-1.jpg

I want one!

Screen Shot 2016-06-11 at 8.44.26 PM.png

Cox’s running mate, Franklin D. Somethingorother.

url.jpg

Cox and Franklin took a lot of pics together.

Screen Shot 2016-06-11 at 8.46.32 PM.png

Here they take a quiet walk. Franklin could totally walk!

51c1rlKMQTL._SY355_.jpg

Cox working up the nerve to kiss Franklin. Franklin sees it coming.

 

Screen Shot 2016-06-11 at 8.45.27 PM.png

Did you know? In the 1910s, every human male had to walk around with a self-identification tag that told your stereotype.

1860 Part 3. John Breckinridge.

 

UPDATE!: I have also included a dramatic reading of the premature New York Times obituary of John Breckinridge, given while he was thought killed as a Confederate General in the Civil War… but actually still alive. Oops. But it’s awesome. Listen here.

FINALLY, we wrap up the divisive election of 1860. With perhaps the most interesting man of the three, John Cabell Breckinridge. He was the youngest Vice President, a scion of a powerful political family, and later a Confederate general and perhaps the most-hated man in the United States. In other circumstances, he could have been one of the greats. Oh well. That’s history for you.

Listen here.

And then take a gander at Breckinridge, who might possibly be our dreamiest Loser.

 

John_C_Breckinridge-04775-restored

Vice President Breckinridge.

tumblr_inline_nqcmn49dbg1tx4oj4_540

Slightly younger Breck, just as handsome.

Screen Shot 2016-03-07 at 10.20.54 AM

Your basic drawing of Breck.

tumblr_inline_nqk0wgObmL1tx4oj4_540

Young, spooky-eyed Breckinridge.

breckinridge-AB

Breckinridge in living color.

Honest Abe Taking Them on the Half Shell

Currier and Ives print of Lincoln and the election.

BreckinridgeCampaignFlag-1860

Election paraphenalia!

breckinridge-sm

The beginning of the war, and the moustache.

images

Check the moustache on this Confederate Breckinridge.

breckinridgejohn

That moustache deserves its own Vice Presidency.

1407251308656

Breckinridge with an octopus on his head. As you do.

Bunny_Breckinridge_(cropped)

The most important Breckinridge, ‘Bunny’, as he appeared in Plan 9 from Outer Space.